worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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