the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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