I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
