dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
