what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
