sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
