Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
