I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this just has baby written all over it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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