life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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