He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
