I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
