Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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