Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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