Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
