Already got asked if we're dating
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
