i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
