this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
