Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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