I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
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