No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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