That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
