Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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