K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
