Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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