is your mom at the bar?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
