dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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