Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
