I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
