My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
