The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
And then he peed in my hair
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