I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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