Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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