I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
