Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
