Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the condom got lost in my hair
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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