you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
