Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
