Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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