You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
