apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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