I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
