please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
