don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
