no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
