I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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