Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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