all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
