Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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