Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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