sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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