Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize