HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
