I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
