I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
